Crossroads and Coffee

crossroadsAt many points in our life we come to a crossroad. These can be the best and also the scariest times in our lives. In some ways how we handle them can make or break us as people. I am in this phase of constant panic. I have been job hunting since February, but with very little to no pay off. I know that I do not yet have my degree in hand, but this has not seemed to be an issue for other people trying to find a job. However, many of my peers have decided to stay in Iowa and live close to family. I thought about that for a long time until I realized that I need to go out into the world on my own and figure out who I am and what I want. That’s why I’m making the decision to move out of state for a few years, but this has also made finding a job that much harder.

I’m worried about not finding a job and letting down my family and friends. I know I have a lot to offer the world, but finding where I fit in has always been difficult for me. I remember once being told that high school is the best years of your life, but in reality college is. At least college was the best years so far for me. I was finally in an environment where my personality was appreciated, and it was at UNI that I was finally able to thrive. I have made so many friends at UNI, and I am going to miss every single one of them. It is hard to imagine what my life is going to be like in a year because this is such a huge step for me, but I am so beyond ready to take it.

Recently though my future has seemed really uncertain. It is unnerving to not have a job secured yet, and to be graduating in three weeks. It kind of blows my mind that I have come this far and I have accomplished so much in only four years. I thought in high school the time went by fast, but I feel like in college I blinked and it was over. It did not come without up and downs and the loss of friends, but it did come with lessons and growth in ways that I never imagined I would receive. I did my fair share of learning, praying, and my fair share of understanding that sometimes life is hard for no reason at all, it just is.

I don’t have all the answers and I guess it’s for that reason that the future is always so uncertain. I am ready to graduate and move on to something bigger and better. I am ready to have a regular sleep schedule, and maybe then I will be able to put down the coffee once in awhile. I am ready to hit the ground running and get something amazing out of my life. It seems impossible to be this close and still feel this far away. I know these last three weeks are going to be ones that I cherish as well as the ones that I curse. All in all it has been an amazing ride, and even if I am at a crossroads right now, eventually I will find my path. The future is terrifying, but with love and support I know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.