I often have a hard time trusting people and their intentions. I guess part of the problem is me. I have been fooled before into thinking that people are genuine and maybe it is cynical of me to think that people cannot change or will not change. I have yet to meet someone that I trust fully and maybe that is my own fault for not being more open. The thing about it is people often mistake me for being an open book. I like to talk and chat and I have no issues telling people what I think. However, I usually don’t share with people on a deeply personal level. I hold back things that I either cannot say or won’t. I often give people too much room and every time I have done so I end up disappointed. I wanted so badly to be proved wrong. I mistrust people almost immediately truthfully I would like to believe everyone has good intentions, but from my experience I have learned that the people that do are few and far between.
I have accepted the fact that I have trust issues. It is for this reason that sometimes I end up making and ass out of myself. I always assume the worst even if I misunderstood what actually went down because in the past I was given the worst when I expected better. It is easier to shut people out and shut down than to give them the power to hurt you. Never opening up can be just as dangerous. I just want to explain I’m not angry I just know what I have been given in the past and I guess now I expect that from every one. It’s my problem not theirs. I have been through a lot in my 21 years so if you could be patient with me and understand where I am coming from it might make the whole trust thing a lot easier. I hope for better in the future. I hope that someday I will be able to open up to someone fully and let them see all of my demons without fear of retaliation or shame. For now just let me explain why I can’t.