There are so many times that I have wanted to move away from Iowa. It isn’t because I don’t like Iowa. Actually, I love it here, but there is also a lot of pain and memories here that I sometimes just don’t want to face. The whole fight or flight thing is really an important concept when you think about it. The only time that it doesn’t affect you is when you are secure. I know that once I am done with school I will be moving out of state. Not just because I want to spread my wings a little bit, but also because somehow I know that my future is not in Iowa. I know that I need to leave to explore who I am and what I am capable of. It might not make sense to everyone, but really it doesn’t have to.
This summer I am kind of learning a little bit about being on my own. Granted I am surrounded by my mom’s family almost all of the time because I am living with my aunt and uncle just outside of Norway, Iowa, but it is a lot different than I thought it would be. I actually like being on my own and making my own decisions. In some ways I am ready for full blown adult responsibility, but in other ways I am definitely not in any way shape or form ready for what comes next. It has definitely been eye opening to say the least. In other words don’t take your parents for granted because they actually do a lot for you.
I am also starting to learn a little more about the kind of people that I want to surround myself with. I don’t want to be around people that make me feel bad about who I am or who I was. I like being around people that understand the things that I am going through. The girls who I have known my whole life, but never really got to hang out with because they were so far away have been nothing but awesome. I am jealous that I never had friends like that growing up. Most of them have been friends with each other since elementary school and still to this day are. There are very few people that can actually say that. Truthfully I am so grateful that I have people like that in my life right now. It means that they are loyal and they aren’t going to leave just because things get tough.
Many of the people in the community here felt the loss of my mom just as hard as my family because truthfully everyone in Norway is related. Not that my community back home didn’t it’s just different for me because I didn’t grow up here and the support being given is still unimaginable. Some days are better than others like it is most of the time, but living where she grew up for the summer almost makes me feel closer to her. It doesn’t stop the constant ache of missing her, but it does make it a little easier knowing I am not the only one who does miss her.
For the summer Norway is my home just like it has always been my second home from the time I was little. Going to Grandpa and Grandma Schulte’s every weekend was the best part of my childhood and it’s starting to look like it may even be one of the best parts of my adulthood. I am still planning on living out of state when I finally do get my degree, but I know that if I ever decide to come back to Iowa I have people here that I can count on to be there. It isn’t always easy leaving home and trying something new but I can honestly say I am thankful that I did.